Trump Buys U.S. Electoral College…
Hillary Demands Admission for Minorities

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In what looks like a desperation move, Donald Trump announced he has purchased the United States Electoral College. When asked if he bought the college (which has since been renamed Trumped Up U) primarily to win the presidency, Trump insisted that it had nothing to do with the election.

“I bought the college because it’s a total wreck―a national disgrace. Plus, nobody even knows what they teach there. I’m going to fix it up and install my kind of conservative curriculum, with subjects like tax evasion, minority-bashing and advanced groping.

“Just like America, I will make the college great again. It will be the greatest college, in the greatest country, on the greatest continent, on the greatest planet…”

At this point, reporters began filing out to attend Hillary Clinton’s press conference, which happened to be in an adjacent meeting room.

When asked about this dramatic turn of events, Mrs. Clinton replied, “We anticipated something like this. And since the majority of electors are white males, we’ve filed a discrimination lawsuit against Trumped Up U demanding equal representation for women, Hispanics, gays, lesbians, transsexuals, Polynesians, Micro-Americans, Macro-Americans, and, just to show how fair and balanced I am, Hetero-Americans.”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like being denied admission to a university just because you’re a Polynesian hermaphrodite?” continued Mrs. Clinton. “I know because I have walked in the shoes of such people. And I tell you those shoes have trod the byways of bigotry and the highways of hatred. All my life I have worked tirelessly to…”

At this point, the reporters began filing out and headed for the bar. When we got there, the fellow next to me summed up all our thoughts by saying, “Just when you thought this election couldn’t get any wackier.”

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