Bumper sticker on a Japanese car: Stand Up For America!


I was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but couldn’t find one big enough for my family. I asked a passing stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

To which he replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


After a two-week trial in a bank robbery case, the jury came in with a “Not Guilty” verdict. The defendant turned to his attorney and asked, in a voice loud enough for the entire courtroom to hear, “Does this mean I don’t have to give the money back?”


My sister-in-law, who, at five-eight, is fairly tall, was traveling by plane with her elderly parents. Both of her parents are rather short; her father is about five-five, and her mother is about five-two. As they sat in the departure area, the ticket agent announced that they were pre-boarding passengers who needed special assistance, such as parents with small children. At which point my sister-in-law raised her hand and asked, “What about children with small parents?”

(Thanks to Juli for this one.)

Questions You Never Have To Ask Your Parents

By Katy Jane (An actual kid)



  1. Should I brush my teeth?
  2. Can I have some more broccoli?
  3. Should I clean up my room?
  4. Can I go to bed now?
  5. Should I do my homework?
  6. Can I play an outdoor game?
  7. Should I call grandma?
  8. Can I read for a while?
  9. Should I take a bath?
  10. Can I turn off the TV?

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