A recent search of WWII Japanese military archives uncovered a large number of intriguing documents, including the only known copy of the Kamikaze Airlines Customer Survey form. It is shown below.
- Was this your first time on Kamikaze Airlines?
(Note: If your answer is “No” you’ll have to attend at least one Hara-kiri training class.)
- Other than the part where you crashed into an American naval vessel, would you say it was a positive experience?
□ It was positively smashing
- Would you volunteer to do it again?
- Would you recommend Kamikaze Airlines to others?
- If the answer to number 5 is “Yes,” to whom would you recommend it?
□ The guy who decided this was a good idea
□ My wife’s Karate instructor
□ Prime Minister Tojo
□ All of the above
- Tell us how we can improve our service, such as:
□ Ejection seats
□ Round-trip tickets
Other suggestions (please keep it clean) _______________
Thanks for your input! Thus far, 000 people have responded to this survey.
William Henry Harrison
The “Less Is More” President
There’s a prophetic saying that goes: “Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” In Washington, D.C., there’s a similar saying that goes: “Anyone can be President for 32 days.”
The saying refers to William Henry Harrison, our ninth president, who, despite a 32-day tenure, compiled a record that is unmatched in American history. During his Administration, there were no wars, no scandals and no deficit spending (mainly because the government was out of money).
He was a member of the Whig party, a name that was chosen primarily because most people had no idea what it stood for. Harrison’s nickname was “Tippecanoe,” probably because whenever he got into a small boat it would eventually capsize. Get it? Tippecanoe? Capsize? (The Harrisons were not known for their sparkling wit.)
During the 1840 presidential campaign, Harrison’s opponents depicted him as a doddering old man. To prove his vitality, Harrison delivered a two-hour inaugural address without a topcoat or hat, even though it was a cold, rainy, windy day. This event would have been a major boost to his image as a healthy, vigorous man had he not dropped dead a month later.
His death was something of a surprise to his doctors who utilized the latest high-tech medicine of their time, including: Leeches, snakeweed extract and skin-blistering followed by suction cups to draw out evil substances. Surprisingly, nothing worked.
He died penniless, so Congress, in its magnanimity, awarded his wife a pension and (this is true) free postage for life.
Highlights of Harrison’s Presidency
- He delivered the longest inaugural address in history.
- He served the shortest term of any president.
- He was the first president to have his picture taken while in office.
- He was first president to die while in office.
That’s about it.