Kamikaze Airlines
Customer Survey

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A recent search of WWII Japanese military archives uncovered a large number of intriguing documents, including the only known copy of the Kamikaze Airlines Customer Survey form. It is shown below.

  1. Was this your first time on Kamikaze Airlines?

□  Yes
□  No

(Note: If your answer is “No” you’ll have to attend at least one Hara-kiri training class.)

  1. Other than the part where you crashed into an American naval vessel, would you say it was a positive experience?

□  Yes
□  No
□  It was positively smashing

  1. Would you volunteer to do it again?

□  No
□  Seriously?

  1. Would you recommend Kamikaze Airlines to others?

□  Yes
□  No

  1. If the answer to number 5 is “Yes,” to whom would you recommend it?

□  The guy who decided this was a good idea
□  My wife’s Karate instructor
□  Prime Minister Tojo
□  All of the above

  1. Tell us how we can improve our service, such as:

□  Airbags
□  Ejection seats
□  Round-trip tickets
Other suggestions (please keep it clean)  _______________

Thanks for your input! Thus far, 000 people have responded to this survey.

Kamikaze Airlines

One-way only

William Henry Harrison
The “Less Is More” President

There’s a prophetic saying that goes: “Everyone will be famous for 15 minutes.” In Washington, D.C., there’s a similar saying that goes: “Anyone can be President for 32 days.”

The saying refers to William Henry Harrison, our ninth president, who, despite a 32-day tenure, compiled a record that is unmatched in American history. During his Administration, there were no wars, no scandals and no deficit spending (mainly because the government was out of money).

He was a member of the Whig party, a name that was chosen primarily because most people had no idea what it stood for. Harrison’s nickname was “Tippecanoe,” probably because whenever he got into a small boat it would eventually capsize. Get it? Tippecanoe? Capsize? (The Harrisons were not known for their sparkling wit.)

During the 1840 presidential campaign, Harrison’s opponents depicted him as a doddering old man. To prove his vitality, Harrison delivered a two-hour inaugural address without a topcoat or hat, even though it was a cold, rainy, windy day. This event would have been a major boost to his image as a healthy, vigorous man had he not dropped dead a month later.

His death was something of a surprise to his doctors who utilized the latest high-tech medicine of their time, including: Leeches, snakeweed extract and skin-blistering followed by suction cups to draw out evil substances. Surprisingly, nothing worked.

He died penniless, so Congress, in its magnanimity, awarded his wife a pension and (this is true) free postage for life.

Highlights of Harrison’s Presidency

  1. He delivered the longest inaugural address in history.
  2. He served the shortest term of any president.
  3. He was the first president to have his picture taken while in office.
  4. He was first president to die while in office.

That’s about it.

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