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Defending Donald Trump

Defending Donald Trump

With the “fake news” media attacking President Trump for the slightest perceived mistake, it’s time for a top-notch fake news agency to defend the man. And we at Byteing Words have decided to take on this challenge.

Our guiding principle in this quest is the following: If Donald Trump and reality contradict each other, then reality is wrong. Fortunately, we can provide alternative realities to demonstrate the inherent rightness of Mr. Trump.

So please check back with us from time to time to see the latest defense of President Trump.

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Criminals Want To Join The Anti-Trump Movement “All Trump Haters Welcome!” Say Protest Leaders

Criminals Want To Join The Anti-Trump Movement
“All Trump Haters Welcome!” Say Protest Leaders

Although he has been president only since January 20th, Donald Trump has generated a massive number of protest movements. In fact, Mr. Trump has so many protestors that he has even started to brag about it on Twitter.

“My protest numbers are through the roof! They’re HUGE! Even more than SATAN!” he recently tweeted.

Now a new group has joined the anti-Trump movement: Criminals. Represented by the National Association of Creeps, Sleazebags and Scumbuckets, (NACSS), criminals are demanding the right to march against Trump, as soon as they get out of jail, that is.

At a recent news conference, Mr. Morton Shmidlap, president of NACSS, was asked just what America’s criminals had against President Trump. “Nothing yet,” responded Mr. Shmidlap, “but sooner or later he’ll say something to insult the criminals, and we’re ready to jump all over it.”

Then Shmidlap added, “If anyone out there is a criminal and would like to join our movement, just steal a computer or a smartphone and visit to sign up.”

When, the leader of a major protest group known as NOW (The National Organization of Whiners), was asked if she had a problem with criminals joining the movement, she replied, “It doesn’t matter how much of a scumbag you are. As long as you’re a Trump hater, we welcome you… except for climate change deniers, of course.  We do have our standards.”

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KKK Drops “Whites Only” Policy… “We Welcome Bigots Of All Races,” Spokesman Says.

KKK Drops “Whites Only” Policy…
“We Welcome Bigots Of All Races,” Spokesman Says.

According to recent news reports, a number of white supremacist groups are convinced that we are entering a new era of bigotry―an age in which hatred and racism are not only tolerated, but widely accepted. In that spirit, the Ku Klux Klan (aka the KKK, or the Klan), has announced a radical change in its membership policies.

As Klan spokesman David Duke explained, “We realize that by restricting our members to dumbass rednecks, we are excluding a lot of qualified racists. After all, there are bigots of all colors and creeds in this great country, and they deserve a chance to be part of a hate group just as much as white trash.

“Therefore, we are announcing the formation of a KKK minority outreach program, which, with a few minor exceptions, will be all-inclusive. We’ll no longer deny people access to the Klan based on their race, religion or ethnicity, and welcome groups like hebes and camel jockeys, I mean Arabs and Jews, as long as they demonstrate the prejudice and bigotry that we require.

“The exceptions, of course, are gays and papists, because, let’s face it, if we let everyone in, there won’t be anybody left to hate.

“In closing, I’d like to state that this isn’t just minority tokenism as some might think. In fact, we are so committed to making these people feel welcome, that in all of our meeting halls and offices, we are putting in special bathrooms and water fountains exclusively for them.”

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McDonald’s Cancels Move To Mexico…“Half A Million Jobs Saved!” Trump Tweets

 McDonald’s Cancels Move To Mexico…

 “Half A Million Jobs Saved!” Trump Tweets.

Just as he promised, president-elect Donald Trump is keeping jobs in the U.S. His latest coup is a deal he struck with the McDonald’s Corporation, which was planning on closing over 14,000 restaurants in America and moving them to Mexico.

To prevent this from happening Mr. Trump said he would:

  1. Put a $6,000 tariff on all hamburgers imported into the U.S.
  2. Round up the senior management of McDonald’s and make them play four rounds of golf at Mar-a-Lago, Trump’s Palm Beach resort, while carrying their own clubs.

However, to sweeten the deal, Trump promised McDonald’s over $100 billion in tax breaks and federal subsidies.

For their part, McDonald’s executives, who were questioned by reporters while partying at a South Beach strip club, said they had great respect for Mr. Trump’s  deal-making abilities.

“In fact,” one executive said, “we’re so happy with this deal that we might try the same stunt every year.”

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