Release Your Child’s Inner Loser
By Max Rankin
When your children are young, you have lofty aspirations for them. You envision them becoming life-saving doctors, world-renowned scientists and even national leaders. By the time they’re teenagers, however, you just hope they don’t end up in a maximum-security prison.
So while it’s fine to encourage your offspring to work hard and become successful, you also have to prepare them for reality. And the harsh reality is that there are a lot more failures than successes, and a lot more losers than winners.
That’s why you should consider sending your children to the Bonehead Youth Ranch. The Ranch, aka Failure Camp, has a highly trained staff who will transform your child from a depressed, dysfunctional loser to a happy, well-adjusted loser.
We will give your kids the skills and confidence they need to muddle through life, exploring such topics as:
- Excuses and Sob Stories. It’s easy to fail, but to be a successful failure, your child will need to be prepared with a host of heart-wrenching excuses.
- Incompetence as an Asset. One of our mottos at the Ranch is, “If you screw up everything you do, people will stop asking you to do anything at all.”
- The Art of Mooching. There’s a pretty good chance that your kids will end up sponging off of friends and relatives. We’ll teach them how to do so in a way that doesn’t involve alienation and restraining orders.
So parents, save yourself years of frustration and disappointment and start preparing your kids to be failures today. Enroll them at the Bonehead Youth Ranch, where we believe that deep inside every child beats the heart of a total loser.