Signs “Big Shoe” Deal; Cuts Rap Song
In an operation known as “Revenge of the Whackos,” a group of diehard Bigfoot seekers finally found the elusive creature deep in the Blue Ridge Mountains of West Virginia. The group’s leader, Harold Lipschitz, said the actual discovery was somewhat anti-climactic.
“He just came strolling out of the woods,” said Lipschitz in a nationally televised news conference. “Then he said to us, ‘Hey y’all, I’m tired of runnin’ so take me on in. By the way, does anybody have a cold one?’ It turns out he’s just a big, hip, hairy dude.”
Lipschitz, who is also now Bigfoot’s agent, continued, saying that Mr. Foot had been offered a very lucrative shoe endorsement deal with the Nike® Company. He said they accepted the offer in principle but still had to work out a few details, one of which was the name of the shoe. Bigfoot, who is a huge fan of early TV variety shows, wants to name the “Really Big Shoe” The Ed Sullivan, but Nike has expressed reservations about the idea.
In addition, Bad Boy Records, a major hip-hop music label, will produce Bigfoot’s first rap song, titled Bigfoot Rap. As a rap artist, Mr. Foot will go by the name of Footy B. You can listen to the song here: Bigfoot