- The nurses begin taking bets on your longevity.
- There are more than two untouched glasses of orange juice on your nightstand.
- The number of tubes connected to you, multiplied by your age, exceeds 250.
- They give you edible food, but only take your order for the next meal.
- The orderlies keep switching your TV to religious channels.
- At least three flies have taken up permanent residence on you.
- When your doctor visits, he is accompanied by at least six residents. He talks about you, never to you.
- They always leave the “crash cart” in your room.
And if they really need the bed-space and want to finish you off, someone from accounting stops by and shows you your current bill.