Baseball Is Not Boring—It’s Subtle

Byteing_Words_Baseball-Not-Boring“Baseball is boring,” say the critics. “There’s not enough action.”

That’s because the critics are ignorant savages who do not understand the subtleties of this highly cerebral game. They have been jaded by brutish sports such as basketball and football, wherein highly-skilled competitors perform a variety of athletic feats while running, jumping and otherwise moving rapidly about.

Baseball, as true aficionados know, rarely stoops to that kind of low-class activity. Rather, the most meaningful action takes place when the ball is not in play. For example, let’s look at what the pitcher is really doing as he leans forward to read the catcher’s signs. To the average fan, he is shaking off pitch suggestions until he gets the one he wants.

However, sophisticated fans know that they are actually engaged in a philosophical discussion, with the pitcher tacitly saying, “I do not think that pragmatism is the optimum selection. I believe that empiricism is the proper choice.” (Translation for the boorish: “Screw the slider. I’m bringin’ the heat.”)

Another example of the subtleties of baseball is in the signals transmitted by the coaching staff to the players. Let’s say the manager of the team in the field is standing on the top step of the dugout and vigorously “adjusting” himself. To the average fan, he is engaged in a rather unseemly public display of self-gratification.

But discerning fans know that he’s actually sending a message to his pitcher: “I strongly encourage you to hurl the projectile in a trajectory that takes it directly toward the batter’s auditory organ, or you and I will have words.” (Translation for the boorish: “Stick it in his ear or I’ll tear you a new one.”)

I could cite many more examples, but I think the point is obvious. If you’re aware of the subtleties and nuances of baseball, your enjoyment of the game will be greatly enhanced. At the very least, it will keep you from lapsing into a coma.

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